Suggestions/Requests For Additional "Czars"

Someone in our government ("Hi!", Barry), seems to
think that he needs help doing his job, to the point
that he has illegally and unconstitutionally appointed
"czars" to do his dirty work, to act as his militia.
I've always been taught that czars are dictator-
like people who run peoples' lives. Who's paying
these people, with what funds, to whom are they
accountable, and just exactly what do they do to
help our country be better?
HMMMMMMMMMMMMMM?
Departing from my normal attempts at serious
commentary, suggestiveness, and derisiveness,
here are 32 (!) additional ideas for "czars" that
doubles the number of current such persons, and
may actually make living in the U.S.A. happier!!
l. Snack Food czar - to mandate that everyone
gets their fair share of Twinkies, HoHos, etc.
2. Cowboy Channel czar - to order a TV channel
dedicated to showing only "good quality" Westerns!
3. Racing czar - in charge of developing or using
current freeways exclusively for speeders.
4. NASCAR czar - their cars need to be more fuel
efficient, quieter, and more crash-proof.
5. Pro Sports czar - developing a league of just those
players who have committed crimes.
6. College Sports czar - to establish a more equitable
way to decide the football champion.
7. Green Lawn czar - (Van Jones need not apply)
mandating greening and mowing of lawns.
8. Floral czar - requiring that everyone have a
minimum number of flowers in their yards.
9. Weather czar - finding a way to improve the
temps year 'round, and basing forecasters' pay
on their accuracy, etc.
10. Travel czar - arranging for everyone to get
to visit a site of their choice every five years.
11. Wealth czar - oh, wait, we already have one
of these in the White House, no? NO! An
earnings "ceiling" and "basement" for all?!?
12. Pizza czar - having automatic pizza delivery
to every household once a week, and shutting
down the "bad pizza" makers.
13. Noise czar - setting a decibel limit on all car
stereo systems and neighborhood parties!
14. Sleep czar - having biological clocks reset
in those who don't get sufficient rest. Huh?
15. Reading czar - requiring that all citizens,
including "naturalized" persons, have at least
a 6th-grade reading proficiency, and that we
read at least one book a month!
16. Work czar - not letting anyone get "freebies"
without finding community service to perform.
17. Bloggers czar - teaching everyone who wants
to how to express their opinions to a vast audience.
18. Media czar - mandating that the liberal media,
especially ABC, CBS, and NBC give fair and unbiased
reports.
19. Sex czar - offering government-funded aids and
assistance to those who are under-loved.
20. Teeth czar - giving dental and orthodontic care
to everyone in need, and eliminating "bad smiles"!
21. Smile czar - fining those who refuse to smile at
least once an hour.
22. Bathing/Body Odor czar - placing foul-smelling
persons into specially-plumbed cells for showers.
23. Tattoo czar - requiring only "tasteful" tattoos
to be exposed - ugly ones placed only on butts!
24. Language czar - setting up night schools for
those who can't speak without foul language.
25. English czar - teaching our national language
to "visitors", and not requiring any others.
26. Clothes czar - advertising "acceptable" styles
clothing, intended to cover body parts.
27. Career czar - issuing brooms, shovels, sickles,
scythes, and needed materials to the "untrained"
and "unused" work force.
28. Death czar - devising inexpensive ways to lay
our loved ones to rest without depleting the
families' bank accounts or inheritances.
29. Postal czar - developing reusable stamps
or huskier postal workers, along with cheaper
vehicles and machinery to operate.
30. Immigration czar - putting electric fences and
land mines along our border to eliminate the
influx of unwanted persons.
31. Religion czar - deporting all those who believe
that their religion is "the only one", and requiring
the removal of any creeds that discriminate by
wishing the deaths of "other" faiths.
32. Chocolate czar - (wife, Cindy's suggestion) -
"good quality" chocolate mailed or delivered
at least once a week to all women.
WELL, there you have it, a departure from my
norm, to say the least, and mostly humorous (you
decide for yourself which may be "serious") ideas
to help alleviate the current tension in our nation,
and to create more "happiness for all"!! Ha-Ha?